What I Would Say To My Ex

Note: This is part of the October Blogging Challenge 

Almost exactly 3 years ago (exactly in 10 days), I went through a really rough breakup. It wasn't malicious or hurtful and he did his best to make it easy for me. But it was so unexpected that it was a shock. A shock that took me a long time to get over. 

Now that it has been 3 years, it doesn't hurt much anymore. Although I'll still get memories that trigger emotions. But they are becoming few and far between. All in all, I've moved on with my life. 

The worst thing though is the dreams. I still dream about my ex. I still dream about us together like we were back then. For a few moments while I'm asleep, I'll be back there and we are both happy. Like it was in the beginning. And then I wake up alone and it hurts all over again. 

The last day is forever cemented in my memory. I remember waking up and snuggling. I remember how he air kissed at me and knowing something was wrong (he always though air kisses for silly). I remember the pit in my stomach all day. I remember waiting for him to get home. I knew what what coming even if I didn't believe it. And I didn't understand why. 

But now, three years later, I understand. You can't see your own flaws when they are right there in front of you. 

Since then I've had another relationship and that one was from the other point of view. I got to see first hand what it's like to live with someone not quite as grown up as you. Age is mostly to blame in my new relationship as well as my first one. I've grown up a lot over these last three years. 

I've also come to respect myself more. When he broke up with me, I tried to become the person that he wanted me to be. I threw myself into self improvement. And I was doing it for him. I wanted him to take me back. And I don't regret doing this as it gave me something to focus on in that first year. I think this is what got me through that time.

But time passes and I come to realize something. I'm not that person. We grew apart because we are very different people. We didn't really fit. I mean, we have a lot in common, but we didn't have the right things in common. I no longer want to be the person he wants. I want to be the person that I am. 

Don't get me wrong. I do miss him. But I now think that he made the right decision for the place we were both at. I needed freedom to grow up. He gave me that. He had the clarity to see that. 

This past year has been interesting. In a good way. I broke up with my last boyfriend who wasn't right for me. I almost started another relationship but ended up actually being a rebound girl. I moved back to near Austin so I could travel more and be closer to my family. I'm actually making progress. Things are finally moving forward. I'm finally happy again. I'm finally getting there. 

So what I'd say to my ex is this:

Thank you. For everything. The happy moments and the sad ones. I understand now. 

Maybe our paths will cross again. Maybe they won't. But whatever happens, I hope you make the most out of it. 

If you ever need something, I'll always be here as a friend. 

You will always hold a very special place in my heart. 

Love,

Hailey